Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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