i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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