Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
