You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
