we made out on top of his cat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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