If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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