I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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