we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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