i think my tv is drunk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
