the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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