The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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