This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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