Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
