Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
