jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I looked at my own cervix.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
