I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
