and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
