the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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