We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
