Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
