Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
