guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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