would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
