this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
