Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
