I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
