im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she told me i tasted like america
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
