My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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