you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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