He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
