I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
