I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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