I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
