Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
