you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
