Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
