I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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