dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
