did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
