i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
