I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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