If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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