We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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