I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
