He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
