Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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