I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
