mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
