He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
