Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
